INT. DINOSAUR ROOM AT LIBRARY HOTEL - MORNING. NICO is in bed, playing with his phone as though he has a task to accomplish but no real urgency to accomplish it. Eventually, finally, he scrolls through his contacts and puts his phone to his ear, already taking some distraction from a loose thread in the sheets. NICO (into phone) Hi, Ash. INT. ASHLEY'S OFFICE - AFTERNOON. ASHLEY is taking a swig from a disposable coffee cup. Her phone lights up. She swallows, grins, answers. ASHLEY (into phone) Hi, Nico. Where've you been all year? NICO Hiding. Amsterdam. But we're back in New York now. Did you have a good one? ASHLEY New Year? Yeah. I've just about recovered from the hangover, which is good because I've only been back at work four days now. I'd ask if you and Mava did, but I have a feeling you guys were probably having the kind of fun where alcohol isn't required, and we both know I like to know as little about that as possible. NICO (snorts) Fuck off, we saw the fireworks and they rang us in properly. ASHLEY And I bet neither of you woke up with a hangover. (Beat.) NICO Not - no, not exactly. Not. Not the drink-related kind, anyway. I - uh. I asked Mava to marry me. ASHLEY freezes, her cup halfway up to her mouth. She is surprised, though not completely. It's almost like she's trying to work out what to say, and her options are "what's expected" and "what she wants to say". It doesn't take long to choose the latter. ASHLEY Please tell me you didn't do that on New Years Eve. NICO's turn to be surprised. He sits up, frowning. NICO That's your reaction? ASHLEY Well, there'll be more depending on your answer to that part, Nico! NICO's frown fades. He picks at the thread again. NICO No, no - that felt pretty unoriginal, I asked her the day before. At the Van Gogh museum. She loves his paintings, so - ASHLEY (interrupts) You thought you'd play on that love to make sure she was in the mood to say yes? NICO It wasn't that manipulative, no, but I did - she loved it, okay, and she said yes and so we're engaged now. ASHLEY I know. I mean - I didn't know, I'm not having you followed. But obviously she said yes and obviously she loved it and obviously you're engaged now and obviously you spent actual New Years Eve having the kind of fun where alcohol isn't required. (hesitates) It's really great, Nico. Honestly. I think she's wonderful, and you're happy, and clearly the world is a much shittier and more painful place when you're not together, so... NICO (relieved) Thanks. You're - the first person we've told. I've told. We've told. We wanted... I don't know. To share it but also to stay on top of all the things you're going to launch into about publicity? ASHLEY You wanted to make sure you didn't get a screaming voicemail about someone else having told me first? NICO You know you're my friend as well as my publicist, right? ASHLEY I did not, but I'll cherish the knowledge forever. (laughs) You know that I need to operate as both publicist and friend and ask you some questions now, right? NICO I did, and I won't cherish the experience forever. ASHLEY Yeah, you will. Okay - is this a call to ask me to make a few subtle announcements? NICO (forceful) No. Definitely not. No. No announcements. ASHLEY None? NICO Not even help drafting the Instagram post. No. We don't want any of that. ASHLEY You are aware that keeping it a secret doesn't always last for very long? NICO Why the fuck would that kind of knowledge be on my radar? ASHLEY Because you just got engaged and want to keep it a secret and maybe you'd have talked about how other people got on keeping zipped? NICO No, we talked about what we wanted, fuck other people. ASHLEY That's kind of against the terms of marriage, but whatever. No announcements? NICO No, it just feels weird. We don't - mind if people see or speculate or anything. We're not trying to hide anything. I'm - I'm really happy. But I just don't want to start playing that weird feeding game with fans or journalists or anything, and Mava doesn't either, so we'd just like it to play out however it's going to play out. ASHLEY So... okay, if some paparazzo gets a shot of Mava and her ring - there is a ring, right? NICO Yeah. ASHLEY Oh, thank god. So. If they get a shot of that and they call me asking for a comment, I say... NICO ... what do you say? ASHLEY (rolls eyes) You were supposed to finish the sentence. NICO Oh. Uhh. I don't know. Anything. ASHLEY (sighs, exasperated) Nico. Don't talk fucking nonsen - anything. "Yes, can you tell me more about this ENGAGEMENT RING?" "No, but I can tell you plenty about the history of Kings Cross station." Anything. NICO (defensive, laughing) Hey, if that's gonna work... ASHLEY It's definitely not gonna work. But I think I can work it out. You guys just need... it's not going to be secret forever. You might hide it for a while, you guys did pretty well with your relationship at the beginning, so it's not impossible, but be prepared for the weirdness to dial up a few notches. People who have no business being interested will be interested. It might dominate interviews for a while, though our adorable sexist culture will ensure Mava suffers more from that. There'll be actual analysis of the ring and how long you've been together and body language and a few ultimate weirdos might start taking bets on how long it'll last. And more. But don't let any of that worry you, okay? Or... let it worry you as little as possible. NICO Uhhh... how does anyone do that? The not worrying part. ASHLEY Well, you... find security in the knowledge that the people who only bet on you lasting five years will lose a fair amount of money when you outlast it. NICO (pause) How long would you give us? ASHLEY I'd want a special case where I bet that you guys'd still be shagging weekly when I was sixty-five, on the condition that I could collect my winnings on my sixty-fifth birthday and retire to a beautiful mansion on the California coast. NICO Happy to fund your retirement dream. ASHLEY Happy to be living it. (pause) You asked at the Van Gogh museum? So in public? Did anyone see you? NICO (surprised) Oh. Uh... Plenty of people. ASHLEY Did anyone give the impression that they knew who either of you were? NICO No. No, nobody - I wasn't. Huh. I wasn't paying a lot of attention to anyone else but the nosy ones mostly just seemed to... care about the proposal part. We could've been anyone. ASHLEY Okay. Honestly, that makes sense - if someone had seen and taken to social media it'd have been out by now, it's been... A thought strikes ASHLEY. She frowns, dragging out her word while she works something out in her head. When she does, she glares at the handset of her phone. ASHLEY It's been a while, actually, how the fuck have you not told me this before now? What if someone had recognised you? What would I have done? NICO (sighs, rolls his eyes) I knew you would do this. ASHLEY Do what? Act like your publicist? You definitely need to start telling me things, Nico Sykes. And Mava too. She does too. Is she around? NICO She's at work. Filming. Do you want me to get her to call you later? ASHLEY Well, duh. At the very least I want to say congratulations and send a hug across the airwaves, but there are a few other plans we can put in place together. We all need to be on the same page. And I need to tell her to tell me things from now because maybe she'll listen better than you. NICO (mutters) I'd bet on that. ASHLEY Did she cry? NICO What? ASHLEY Did Mava cry, when you asked her? NICO (surprised) Uhh... Is this something you need to know as my publicist? ASHLEY Charming - I thought you just said I was your friend too! NICO You are, I just didn't know which hat you... yeah. Yeah, she did. I did a scavenger hunt thing, you know like I did for her birthday last year? Just around his paintings. And then when we were at her favourite one... ASHLEY One knee? NICO Way too public. ASHLEY You're kidding. If my future husband doesn't get down on one knee, I'm saying no. NICO Let's hope he gets that memo, then. ASHLEY I'm trusting you to pass it on, darling. (beat) Hey, Nico? NICO Yeah, Ash? ASHLEY Congratulations. I really like her, you know. I do.